but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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