She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
