So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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