youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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