I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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