I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
