if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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