I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
