Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
