Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
