I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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