My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
