I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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