I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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