Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
