dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
