I'm going to jail i love you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
