Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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