My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
