Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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