It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
