You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
