how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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