it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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