ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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