Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
