well I can't set my house on fire every night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
