so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
