why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
