He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
