he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
