Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
