Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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