WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
