Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
