he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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