We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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