Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
