when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
