Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
