I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
