I'm going to rape someone's good day.
handjob tips. give me some.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
