peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
