maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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