I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
