i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
