I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
