Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
