I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
