dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
