Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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