Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
