I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
