you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
