you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
