I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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