Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
