my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
