This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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