just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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